How to Optimize her Orgasm - if you're 7 inches or less (the mini-course)
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Mini (and Secret) Guide to Female Masturbation!
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I'm late for coffee with a sexologist to talk about the G-spot, the C-spot, and the A-spot all in the name of female pleasure. When I meet Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., a sexologist and relationship expert, and begin talking loudly about all things vagina, the large party of men seated behind us are clearly horrified. Ten bucks says it’s because they’ve never found anyone’s G-spot, let alone heard of an A-spot.

Then again, while much digital ink has been spilled over the elusive G-spot, I had no idea what an A-spot (or a C-spot, for that matter) was either before sitting down for a deep exploration of the female anatomy. So many women struggle with shame over self-pleasure, let alone pleasure during sex, and don’t feel that getting to know our bodies is either necessary or acceptable. I bought my first vibrator at 22, and set the “right” scene—lacy black bra, flickering candles, low-beat music—to test it out. I mostly just felt weird under the covers with myself.

Before we got technical about the G-, C-, and A-spots, O’Reilly and I talked basics. “First give yourself permission to feel pleasure that is not sexual,” she says. How often do you sigh when you step into a hot shower? Make a sound in the back of your throat with that first sip of wine or bite of chocolate? How are women supposed to react to and engage with sexual pleasure when we can’t do the same with nonsexual sensation? The road to owning your pleasure starts before anyone gets naked.

“The most important part is identifying where on your body you as an individual experience pleasure,” says Leah Millheiser, M.D., a board-certified ob-gyn and female sexual medicine and menopausal health expert at Stanford University. "Putting the emphasis on spots can cause a lot of stress. Women go seeking them out, and when they can't get there, they think there's something wrong with them."

No matter where you are in understanding the anatomy of your pleasure, don’t feel pressured to get too hung up on any one hot spot. I’ll admit I’ve had more than one chat during which a friend’s mouth drops in horror when I admit I’ve never had a G-spot orgasm. Close that mouth, girl. Everyone’s orgasm is different. Explore those spots if you want, or don’t—do whatever feels good. It’s your pleasure, your body.

The G-Spot
Personally, I’ve always been confused by the mythical G-spot, which is often painted as the holy grail of orgasm. I asked O'Reilly to clear it up.

What is the G-spot?
There's some debate among sex researchers as to whether the G-spot even exists—at least in terms of an actual physical “spot” somewhere in your anatomy. In a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2017, researchers found no evidence of a “macroscopic anatomic structure.”

Instead, the G-spot is thought to be part of the larger clitoral complex (more on that later), part of a network of pleasure hot spots.

How to find the G-spot
If you wanted to stimulate the G-spot, you'd reach into the vagina—not very deep—and curl your fingers up toward the wall of your stomach. Think of a “come here” motion.

"If you wait until you're aroused to do this, the area feels more textured than the rest of the vaginal canal," O'Reilly says. She recommends a dual stimulation vibrator like The Nova for exploring the G-spot.
The C-Spot
C-spot may sound exotic, but really it's just another name for your clitoris.

What is the C-spot?
Your clitoris is a whole wishbone-shaped area that runs down either side of your vaginal opening. That “little bump” that feels like a bean sits right at the apex of your clitoral complex and is known as the C-spot. “Its sole function is to create pleasure and ultimately lead to orgasm,” says O’Reilly. The C-spot is typically the most sensitive part of your clitoris, but it's really just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to having a clitoral orgasm.

How to find the C-spot
There are a lot of options for stimulating your C-spot—the old tried-and-true hand method (“Use the tip of your finger to roll around that area for direct stimulation,” O'Reilly says) or, of course, toys. We-Vibe’s Melt uses something called “pleasure air technology” to pulse around the clitoris with increasing intensity. “A small bullet vibe with a flat tip is also a good option," O'Reilly says.

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