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Song and lyrics by Binyomin Miller | Filmed and edited by Yisroel Tesser
Music recorded, mixed and mastered @ The Side Yard Studio, Lakewood, NJ

Lyrics:

Now that I became a total frum person,
There’s no more eating pigs, no more church, no more cursin’,
My spiritual degree is on the level of the keruvim,
I’m part of a support group for local ba’al teshuvim,
I’m learning that Hashem created many types of Jews,
And now my job is easy – I just need to choose!
To the goyim it can seem like we’re all just one big mush,
But every type is different, with their own unique levush,
They each have their minhagos, their own language, their own bentcher,
So join me as I now begin my Yid-picking adventure,
Pull up a chair, sit up close – you can be in this row,
Let’s try out every flavor, and find the truth – like Yisro!

I really always wished that I was born to be a kohein,
But I don’t want to smear the blood all over my bohein,
Move to a moshav and put on sandalim from Payless?
I kinda think that blue jeans go really well with t’cheiles,
I understand that every shnitt needs their little kneitch,
But what’s up with these baalebatim yelling #TYH?
Sure the guys in Deal will throw a lavish party,
If I get a spray tan so I can be a Sfardi,
Oh how much fun! A party on Jeff Sutton’s private boat,
But I ain’t waking up for forty days of Selichot,


So many types of Yidden,
Where oh where will I fit in?
Every single Jew is a member of a sect,
Now I gotta see, which one will I select?

So many types of Yidden,
Which school will take my kid in?
Every single Jew is a member of a group,
I want the one that lets me put matzah in my soup!


There are Zundels and Zanvils, Zalmans and Zishees,
I need to pick a name, and I need to pick a species,
Should I be a Zevulun? Or maybe a Yissachar,
I always wished that I would be a real yeshiva bachur,
Shteiging torah mer un mer, at home and in the gaas,
Learn the whole Reb Baruch Ber, before you finish Shas,
If you’re not a lamdus and your brain was made in China,
I’ll spend ten years explaining that migu’s koach hata’anah,
Keeping all those mitzvahs seems like avodas perech,
Maybe I’ll take the exit ramp, walk right off the derech,
Did you shake an esrog, Paul and Charlie? How ‘bout you Bob?
That is what your day looks like when you become a Lubab,
The hats are really squishy, the beards will kinda scratch you,
And you’ll spend your afternoon putting tefillin on a statue,


So many types of Yidden,
Plus the thirty six hidden,
Every single Jew is a member of a clan,
But every single Jew drives a mini van,

So many types of Yidden,
Lo Sisgodedu is forbidden,
Every single Jew marches to a different beat,
I like the one that waits three hours after meat!


In yemos of the mashiach we need more love – not less love,
That’s what I’ve been told by Rabi Nacherman of Breslov,
Didn’t you never heard of him? He’s a big mechanach,
And you can get olam above if you say the Na Nach,
Dance up on that painted van, you be the announcer!
When you’re at a Na Nach party, everyone’s a bouncer!
Even if I was a goy and my name was Gonzales,
I would want to be a yekke just to wear a talis,
Those Neturei Karta people have some weird minhagim,
They’ll fly out to Iran and find the leader there and hug him,
Should I get a Tesla? A home out in Toms River?
Throw a kiddush every week with seven kinds of liver,
A moonwalk in the backyard for all types of occasions,
Sitting in the pool until my fingers look like raisins,
People will be watching from the bleachers and the fan decks,
When I go Bike 4 Chai in my scuba diver spandex!


So many types of Yidden,
Where, oh where, oh where will I fit in?
What I really want is to join with all of them,
Learning lots of Torah, serving the Hashem,

So many types of Yidden
They’re all the same, who we kiddin’?
Up here at Lemala that’s where you will find,
The best type of Yid is every single kind.

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