A lot of parents who are sleep-training their children want to know how long they can let them cry. There's not one answer that's right for everyone. It's going to be different depending on your circumstances and your comfort level with letting your child cry it out. It comes down to the fact that sleep training is about self-soothing. In other words, you're teaching your baby to go to sleep without help from you, and it will involve some tears as they learn that when they cry, they're not going to get what they want most, which is you. As parents, we all get used to our child's cries, and sometimes they're just crying because they want us, and if you're pretty sure that that's the only reason why your baby's crying, then you can let them cry for as long as you're comfortable with it. But as you don't respond to them, their cries may become a little more desperate, and they'll get upset, and that's okay. But if their cries change and you're worried that they're in pain, or they're in danger, or they may have an immediate need, then of course go check on them.
As I was sleep-training my son (he was very persistent by the way, and you have to match persistence with persistence), he was screaming (and he'd been screaming for about 30 to 45 minutes), and then, all of a sudden, his cry changed a little bit and I could tell something was different. So I went in to check on him, he was spread-eagled on the slats of his crib, and so after I picked him up and comforted him and put him back down, he went to sleep. So, you know, listen to the cry too, and if it changes and you feel like you need to check on him, then of course do so. Like I said, you have to match persistence with persistence and pick a period of time when you are able to be sleep-deprived for about a week or so, because this is often how long it takes.
Your partner also needs to be involved in the process, because if they go pick up your baby after they've been screaming forever, then it's just going to take you back to square one, because the baby got what they wanted from crying. If you're talking about naps or nighttime sleep, again, you can let them cry as long as you feel like they need to in order to learn that you're not going to respond and they need to self-soothe. This might mean 30 minutes, or 60 minutes, or in some cases, an hour or more, but with 4 to 7 days of persistence, you should all be sleeping better soon. Good luck with it, and if you have more questions in the future for me, feel free to ask them on our Facebook page at facebook.com/IntermountainMoms and recommend us to your friends and family too.
