Make sure you sign up for the 21 Day Self-Love Challenge 5 Part Introductory Series in my Stan store linked below!
[ Ссылка ]
In this week's episode we are going to discuss how to break free from the anxious and avoidant trap and find people who are more emotionally available.
Question: Since I came across your videos, I often find myself thinking about how to break free from the anxious cycle that plagues my relationships. I make an effort to be clear about my expectations and communicate them openly with my partner, but despite these efforts, things often don't work out due to differing expectations. If this pattern persists, I wonder how I can overcome it and find people to date who are not avoidant.
So let’s talk about how to break free from the anxious cycle in relationships and find people who are emotionally available.
I’m going to get this out of the way, and I feel like it goes without saying. Seek Professional Help Consider seeking therapy or counseling to work through your attachment issues with the guidance of a trained professional. Therapy can provide valuable insights and tools to help you navigate relationships more effectively. Now that everyone feels better because I said that understand that when you are in the comment section telling people you don’t know to go to therapy it’s a bad look for you. Take the time to consider that not everyone has access to therapy, can afford therapy, or resonates with therapy. So for everyone else, there is self-education and personal development which is also very valid and ultimately very empowering.
You can also get a jump start on cultivating self-love by signing up for my 21 Day Self-Love Challenge Introductory Short Course in my Stan store. It’s 5 short videos on the pillars of self-love and a great way to get introduced to some ideas and concepts that you may not have considered yet. At the end of that is a special offer.
What are the steps in finding a more emotionally available partner?
A big first step is cultivating self-awareness and taking time to reflect on your attachment style and past relationship patterns. What did your past relationships not only look like in terms of patterning but what did they feel like to you? Were you under high stress and anxiety that made you feel like you had lost yourself within the confines of this relationship? Understanding the origins of your anxious attachment and recognizing how it affects your interactions and how you relate with others is a massive step in your journey.
Develop Self-Confidence Build your esteem by learning to make yourself a priority again or for the first time. You may have spent your entire life trying to do things for others as a means of being liked by them. All the while never asking yourself if you even liked them, they way they treat you, or the way they talk to you. So ask yourself, do I even really like this person and why? What do you admire about them? How does your body feel around them? How do you feel when you’re apart? Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself and challenge self-doubt. Get outside and move your body and remember that you can always take a walk with me! Life weights, do some yoga, chi gong, pilates, or whatever resonates with you but get moving! A simple 20 minute walk with focuses breathing has the power to change your entire day and you can compound that over time. Lean into your hobbies and interests. Those things that you were once able to get lost in for hours that were abandoned for others.
Understand it’s not only ok but necessary to learn to ask for what you want. So, Set Clear Expectations and Identify your needs in a relationship. Communicate them openly and honestly with potential partners to ensure alignment and avoid misunderstandings. It’s also important to mention here to not date someone’s future potential but see them for who they are in this moment. They may never become the person you are picturing in your head of who they will be to you in the future so ask yourself. If they never change, can I love this person as they are today 50 years from now?
A common question that get’s asked….Can you Recognize Avoidant Behavior? My answer, kinda. You can Educate yourself on avoidant attachment traits and behaviors but here is the caveat to that. Who are you being right now? Are you the most secure version of yourself you’ve ever been or do you already feel butterflies, excitement, and find yourself over thinking everything they say or do while planning for future events and ignoring poor behavior in the present moment that makes you even more anxious and waiting for your phone to light up or ding with the next text message so you can feel seen, heard, loved, and understood but then needing more text messages and attention because you constantly worry if they are going to reject or abandon you not realizing this is the behavior that can lead even secure people to become s...
