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Para… Para… Paradise… No, it wasn’t the lyrics to a Coldplay song. Instead, it was nothing other than an exotic parrot at the Jamaican beach resort trying (and failing) to welcome incoming guests as they checked in. Sure, the initial signs were good. The Bearded Man was handed a cold fruity drink upon arrival and the staff seemed nice enough. He walked in, saw the never-ending buffet and smelled the unforgettable scent of fried food in paradise. It was clear that every detail was taken care of, and that he wouldn’t have to worry about a thing for the next week. Still, something was missing. He grabbed a tray full of drinks, found the first hammock he could find, then meditated on the idea for several hours, possibly napping for the majority of them in the process. Eventually, he shot up like a bolt and said: “Screw this!” He went across the street, rented a scooter, and drove to the less touristy parts of the coast. When he finally found himself in a Diplo music video with Luxx & Albzzy, he knew had arrived.

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