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Complete transcript: When Parents Can't Regulate Their Emotions: Effects on Children and How to Cope

Reactive parent: I wanted to give you everything that I didn't get as a child.
I don't know why I sacrificed so much. Clearly, I'm the worst mother ever.
Adult daughter: I didn't say that, and I'm curious what giving me everything you didn't get even means.
Reactive parent: well you never wanted for anything, you had it all.
Adult daughter: by had it all you mean material possessions?
Reactive parent: Yeah, what else would I mean?
Adult daughter: Well I'm grateful that I have material possessions. And you're right I had most of the things I wanted. But, what I really wanted as a kid and even now, is a parent who can regulate their emotions.
Reactive parent: of course nothing I ever do is good enough.
Adult daughter: When I tell you things I almost always know you're gonna go into defensive mode. Or you'll blame me and I'll feel judged, and wish I never opened up to you. I just want to be able to come to you and tell you things and have you listen, so that I feel safe and connected to you. That's what a parent who can regulate their emotions is able to do. Most of the time all kids would rather have a safe, supportive, and emotionally available parent over material possessions. It's true generational wealth.

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