America…The land of free…the home of the whopper. A country where the president casually throws out a hilarious joke about annexing its neighbor to the north at a dinner party at a billionaires resort. Clearly…a very funny joke…right…right?
But as a canadian, i feel like its my responsibility to present an olive branch and bring unity between our two countries
You vote in your first black president, we vote in our first black prime minister.
You start clearly legitimate wars against weapons of mass destruction. We start wars against weapons of mass destruction as well (beaver wars or pog war).
You win a stanley cup…uh…actually lets not talk about that one. That one hurts.
Regardless, Trump talking about annexing Canada got me thinking. Could this actually happen. And how close have we come to this actually happening before?
Let’s be real—our American neighbors have been staring longingly across the border for centuries, muttering, “All that land and so few people? Why not? It is our manifest destiny.”
But let’s get something straight: if the USA ever did decide to invade Canada, it would be the geopolitical equivalent of Jon Jones fighting Eugene Levy wearing snowshoes. Sure, Canada has a lot of pride, but their defense strategy mostly revolves around polite emails and hoping NATO returns their calls.
Before we dive into the logistics of America turning every tim hortons into a ‘Freedom hortons BBQ & Guns’, let’s take a little stroll down history lane to look at all the times they’ve almost tried it before.
In 1812 America was feeling spicy after their Revolutionary War win and decided to say, “Hey, let’s add Canada to the roster.” The logic? It’s barely defended, and they probably want to join us anyway! As america never has any problems, and only does good things for its citizens.
Anyways. American forces tried to invade multiple times, only to be met by British soldiers, Indigenous warriors, canadian militia…and something so terrifying that many american soldiers had never witnessed before. And that was the canadian winters. You see, many american soldiers became casualties because they weren’t used to the horrific daily life of just living in southern ontario.
When it was all over, Canada fought them to a standstill and even managed to burn down the White House in 1814. Making this the first in a long line of future wars that america would start and lose or draw.
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