What should you do when money problems appear to be ruining your marriage? Paul explains that money isn't the real problem. If you focus on fixing the real problems you'll be able to enjoy a much more fulfilling marriage, regardless of your financial situation.

You found this video because your marriage is really threatened by current economic problems which are going to be temporary and you'll see that and I'd like to help you in two ways. I'd like to help you understand that the money problems are not what's ruining your marriage but it's certainly not helping.

I want to give you some very practical advice and at the same time, I want to give you something more lofty, something to keep in mind that may help you more long term. I want to give you the lofty stuff first so that way I have your attention. I was a divorce mediator for a long time and I help people get divorce and the whole thing with money came up a lot and honestly, I was able to help some people gain some structure so they could get through that but there's something more vital going on and that is that when your marriage is impacted by material things such as a scarcity of prosperity at the moment because it is temporary. It means your marriage is not built on the correct foundation.

What is the correct foundation?

The correct foundation for marriage is love and the way to really build your marriage so that it encompasses the material problems rather than is confronted by them is by putting your effort into building that love, and you need to do that even now. You need to be more loving towards one another even if your spouse is irritable. It doesn't get you off the hook.

You still have to be very loving so the guidelines are simple. Avoid complaining, it's not going to do you any good. A problem that can be solved should be solved through discussion. A problem that can't be solved no matter what can't be solved so why worry about it, and why freak out over it? By the way, that's a Tibetan saying.

Shift your energy in your marriage back to the fundamental principle of expressing love to your spouse and avoid those kinds of things that actually distract you from dealing with the financial problems and the financial realities. Don't complain if your spouse is complaining to you just listen, don't react. You don't have to react. You should probably try to learn some communication techniques so you're not reactive. Don't be critical, don't blame, don't say "Oh, if you hadn't done this. If you did this blah blah blah." It doesn't do any good so avoid those things that don't do any good. Condemnation, teasing that is like really sending a message if you're not making it. Those aren't loving things.

If you don't use one of my books which really presents good lists, create your own list. On one side of the page, draw a vertical line. On one side of the page, put all the things that I can do to express love. I can be supportive, I could smile a lot, I could be encouraging and on the other side put the things that you shouldn't do. I shouldn't criticize, I shouldn't condemn, I shouldn't blame, I shouldn't show that I'm worried and then try your best to work together to come up with practical solutions. It's definitely within your capability.

There's never a situation that will not pass and there's never a situation that cannot be improved upon even though sometimes it can't be improved upon immediately. You could start building the groundwork so that you'll be able to improve upon your situation. Sometimes you just need to cut things out of your life even though you're very attached to them, maybe you need a smaller home, maybe you have to get by with a cheaper car and there's a lot of ways to address the financial problems that you're having now and you need to do it. Those are the two things.

One is to put your marriage back on track of a loving marriage, focus on that. Learn how to be intimate without sexual, being complementary, loving, not demanding. Avoid those things that are going to cause more problems and really go for building your marriage.

When I was a kid, everyone was learning how to play guitar. Where I grew up we couldn't get expensive guitars but if you learn on a crappy guitar where the strings are this far away from the neck you'll be able to really wail when you finally can get a good guitar and that's what it is with marriage too. If you go through this period and you will if you're determined and be determined, talk about your commitment to one another because if you're determined to get through this the rest is going to be much easier.

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