Steve Wolfson - FACING AND EMBRACING UNWORTHINESS
Tags: Self-Healing
Here we sit, this present moment. Experiencing racism denied, murder by ostensible protectors, sustaining tides of protest against what is perceived as racism and injustice, and the rise and fall and reemergence of an undesired virus whose presence is deeply changing how we live, and how we view "normal", externally and internally. It seems like thirty-seven planets (give or take a few) are retrograde. And I didn't realize eclipse triple-packs were even legal.
To borrow from Marvin, what's going on?
To borrow from Hakomi (look it up), what are you feeling right now?
I'm becoming aware of parts of myself I'm not so happy with. Parts that, unbeknownst to me, have lived and benefited from conditions of birth I thought I understood, that I gradually grasp my understandings were actually, at best conveniently partial. I see none of this limited perspective was my "fault". I didn't do anything wrong, yet it's time, and I am ready, to see a larger picture of what has been going on, having the space and capacity to step into larger and hopefully even more meaningful insights.
I am clear this moment is a time of a great awakening. Part of awakening is seeing a bigger picture than has been perceived. That the smaller picture I have called "reality" and "myself" has reached its limits and must expand.
Growth will go on. I'm presented with a larger picture. Life is bringing this about. It's time. It's uncomfortable at times. It's unknown and potentially uncertain. For some, trying to hold onto an illusion of what has been seems safer, or less challenging. It's easy to become upset when great change is occurring, or from another angle, to feel more like I did something wrong in not seeing before what I'm seeing now, like I should have seen it already – unworthiness.
I've never liked the way unworthiness feels in my body. It feels debilitating, terribly painful. I interpreted it as "bad", and indicative of my fundamental inadequacy. Like a hot potato, one strategy to change the feeling is to refuse to feel it (then it gets repressed and "goes rogue") by pushing it onto another, and the sooner the better. "Nothing wrong with me, it must be you". Deny, project. I'm good, I'm right, so you are bad or wrong.
This seems to be part of the collective human race's conditioning in this time and place. Each person learns their own way to duck unworthiness, based on their conditioning – family, culture, class, race, gender, etc. The commonality to all is a deep sense of I'm not enough. I can take it out on myself, I can project it onto others, scapegoats. I can do both.
What can I do about this? I'm seeing feelings of unworthiness don't necessarily go away, as I always wished they could. I see I am capable of learning how to change my *relationship* with Unworthiness and better accept feeling its rather uncomfortable presence in my body. I can better hold and care about the parts of me that feel unworthy. I can gradually realize just because I may feel unworthy in this moment doesn't translate into I AM unworthy. Only that a hurt part of me is feeling something that causes it to feel bad about itself.
My talk will be a journal of my process, progress and conclusions. My growing insight is this CONDITIONED sense of unworthiness is one of the deepest root causes of this world where polarity, anger, disagreement, confusion and disparity seem so very strong.
I feel it's coming to a head because this world is in the process of beginning an incredibly major and important change. And that one of the greatest things that I can do, that all people can do, is come to terms with what I am feeling within myself, realize it's OK to feel unworthy, and I am very worthy, exactly as worthy as all 7 billion of my fellow humans also are. The world structures are changing to support this change. The process is going to feel messy at times – like childbirth. I feel this chaos and confusion are the birth pains of something very new. This is the conversation I hope to add to, to spark, from my talk.
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Steve Wolfson is passionate about guiding, supporting and validating people through growth processes and spiritual awakening. He used Evolutionary Astrology as a key tool for 17 years, studied with Jeffrey Wolf Green and graduated from his Pluto school. Steve has much personal experience with the processes and emotions of growth/rebirth. Steve is caring, heartfelt and dedicated. He is available for readings, consultations and mentoring.
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Email him at steve@stevewolfson.com
Recorded at EA Zoom Meetings! June 25, 2020
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