Ally, a returned-missionary and member of BYU’s elite choir, BYU Singers, describes her struggles with perfectionism, mental health, discovering her asexuality after marriage, losing her faith as a student at BYU, and rediscovering her relationship with music.

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LDS Church Proclamation on the Family [ Ссылка ]
Contrapoints YouTube channel [ Ссылка ]
Gretchen Day MS Interview [ Ссылка ]
RFM Investigation of MTC Sex Scandal [ Ссылка ]
“Oh Ye Fair Ones” - Christian Asplund [ Ссылка ]
BYU Survival Guide: [ Ссылка ]
MS Episode - Bradly and Ilana, BYU Survival Guide. How to survive BYU as a non-traditional or non-believing student: [ Ссылка ]
Utah Valley University [ Ссылка ]
Allychristiansen.com AllyChristiansen.com
Instagram: [ Ссылка ]
BeautyInTheNow.org (Margi’s coaching practice)
Ally Finlinson Christiansen FB account [ Ссылка ]

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Time Codes:
00:00 Introduction
04:00 Making it into BYU Singers
10:00 Practicing self-compassion at BYU Counseling (CAPS)
16:00 Developing doubts about Mormon perfectionism, Joseph Smith, and LGBQ students at BYU
26:00 Practicing a reduction in perfectionism, sustainable and compassionate Mormonism
31:30 - Singing in a choir during the COVID Pandemic, Black Lives Matter, George Floyd, political differences
36:00 - Noticing patterns of ignoring women in the Mormon church
37:00 - Sibling comes out to Ally as non-binary, beginning to question the church’s gender policies
45:00 - Church’s direction on gender policies cause more doubts
47:00 - Taking a philosophy class, the Problem of Evil, agency, Ensign Peak, exclusion policy
52:00 - Not attending church during COVID
54:00 - Seeking Clinical Psychology Treatment, DBT - “What to do when you have feelings”
57:00 - Better understanding the difference between emotions and spirituality
1:03:00 - Experiencing doubt and fear as a BYU student
1:13:00 - Feeling spiritually “empty” as a vocal performer at BYU
1:21:00 Stopping reading scriptures and praying
1:25:00 - Started reading ExMormon Reddit, listening to Mormon Stories Podcast.
1:35:00 - Finishing up at BYU after loss of faith
1:41:00 “speaking up” at BYU towards the end, feminist expressions. Sexism and lack of representation at BYU. Graduating
1:49:00 - Responding to criticisms of integrity and the Honor Code after losing faith
1:53:00 - BYU’s Honor code and the lack of Informed Consent
1:57:00 - Compulsory church attendance at BYU
1:59:00 - Tithing settlement at BYU as a non-believer, intrusive bishop, lying, satan’s plan, compulsion, forcing
2:06:00 - Suggestions for the LDS Church and BYU
2:19:00 - Healing and growth after BYU
2:23:00 - Religious/Mormon trauma/music PTSD

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