Listen up, you twisted freaks! We're about to embark on a gonzo journey through the mescaline-laced wonderland that is Con Air. This ain't your momma's movie review – it's a full-throttle descent into madness, with more adrenaline than a rhino on speed.
Watch as Nic Cage, our mulleted messiah, navigates a flying asylum packed tighter than Rush Limbaugh's colon. Marvel at John Malkovich, a man so deliciously unhinged he makes Charles Manson look like Mr. Rogers. And let's not forget Steve Buscemi, creeping around like a lizard in a pet shop.
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