In front of the entire stadium, Cartman gets on the big screen and professes his love for Kyle.
"Cartman Finds Love" S16
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EXT. PEPSI CENTER - NIGHT
ANNOUNCER
We're all set for the Tip off!
WIDE SHOT - The Nuggets and Clippers at Center court for tip off. The Nuggets win it and everyone CHEERS.
ON THE COURT - The Nuggets score a sweet basket and the crowd goes wild WITH CHEERS.
IN THE STANDS - Kyle and Nichole share some popcorn.
CARTMAN
Attention! Attention please!
They look up and see Cartman's big face on the jumbotron.
CARTMAN
This is a message for all of you out there who have just ended a relationship!
The whole crowd gets quiet and listens-
ON THE JUMBOTRON -
CARTMAN
Sometimes, love is hard. But you can't just run away from it. When you start to have something special you have to WORK at it.
Cut to Tolkien in his seat with Craig and Clyde. Tolkien thinks...
CARTMAN
Even though it might seem like the world is against you... you still have to hold on with BOTH HANDS.
Cut to Nichole in her seat, thinking.
CARTMAN
Don't let society dictate who you can and can't be with. Kyle... I love you, babe.
Cut to Kyle in his seat- he can't believe it.
CARTMAN
You can run all you want. Try to pretend you like girls. But dammit, when we kiss there's magic. Don't let it go, Kyle.
WIDE SHOT of Kyle in his seat - The whole crowd around him turns to him and goes -
CROWD
Awwwwww....
Back to Cartman.
CARTMAN
I want to hold you every morning and love you every night, Kyle. I promise you nothing but love and happiness.
(singing)
I swear, by the moon and the stars in the sky... I'll be there, Kyle... And I swear...
CROWD
Awwwwwwwww!!!!!!
CARTMAN
Like the shadow that's by your side... Kyle I swear to God I'll be there.
Now Brad Paisley joins in with Cartman-
CARTMAN
For better or worse...
BRAD PAISLEY
For better or worse...
CARTMAN
Till death do us part-
BRAD PAISLEY
Death do us part-
CARTMAN
-every gay beat of my heart-
BRAD PAISLEY
I'll love you with every gay beat of my heart- I swear Kyle.
CARTMAN
-I swear Kyle.
The crowd APPLAUDS. The Nuggets CLAP. The Clippers CLAP.
Kyle angrily gets out of his seat.
NICHOLE
Where are you going?
KYLE
THAT FAT TURD up there is the one who set up you and Tolkien cuz he's thinks blacks belong TOGETHER!
Kyle storms off.
NICHOLE
HE did that? Oh no...
The NUGGETS CHEERLEADERS clap.
CARTMAN
Thank you. Thank you all... That's all I wanted to say. That AND- The batmobile's outside! Seriously you guys gotta see it's the batmobile! It's outside!
MAN IN AUDIENCE
WHAT?!?!?
The crowd all starts running to the exits.
Then another crowd shot of people rushing to the exits.
The Nuggets run to the exits-
The Clippers run to their exit.
