De-escalation lessons from Merrill Lynch Dad who threw away a 26 yr career as a financial advisor.
All of us who are parents can absolutely relate to feeling very upset and angry when our child is hurt, BUT this recent incident in Connecticut could have gone very differently if the Father in the incident had just taken long, slow deep breaths to slow himself down and think things through.
Unfortunately, he chose to act loud, rude, obnoxious, antagonistic and confrontational and for that he basically threw away a successful 26 yr career with Merrill Lynch and was arrested and charged with assault. AND he is forever memorialized on the internet acting this way.

Absolutely NOTHING wrong with how the Father was feeling about his son suffering from an allergic reaction, HOW he handled his feelings and emotions is what got him in trouble. It's possible that had he slowed himself down and thought about it, he may have considered a lawsuit and bad publicity for the business but we'll never know.

How could the teen employees have handled this situation differently? Actually, when you watch the Tik Tok video I have below, you'll note that of the 4 teens there, everyone is doing exactly what they need to do in this situation, except one! In fact, one of the employees even pulls that girl back!
This teen, wearing a blue sweatshirt, becomes upset with the man and began to use a sarcastic and condescending tone of voice when telling the angry Father he can call Corporate, then dismissively begins to say to him, "Bye". She then gets up to go confront the Father, and her colleague pulls her back and tries to get her to stop, to calm down, but she pulls away and says, "I don't care", and off she goes to yell at the Father. That is why he ends up throwing the drink at her, and not at the other employee that he was initially addressing.
The employee he was initially yelling at was quietly walking back to get a phone number for him, and it is possible that once he had a phone number he would have soon left. As challenging as it can be in the moment, you need to validate and affirm a person and their feelings, and letting this man vent and giving him a phone number to a supervisor or corporate would have helped a great deal in that regard.

Yelling at someone who is already angry and yelling does NOT help de-escalate the situation, it only makes it worse.

Take long, slow, deep breaths to help stay calm, to help get oxygen to your brain which will help you think under stress. If you can think under stress you will mitigate doing or saying something that will escalate a situation and cost you your career and reputation, or keep you from being loud and confrontational right back at someone which absolutely is only going to escalate a situation.
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Gentle Response LLC is not just another lecture presentation. The De-escalation training program is specifically designed to assist a person develop stress inoculation, muscle memory, self confidence and confidence in other colleagues. None of which anyone can get from just sitting through a lecture or watching a how-to video.

Students also receive real time feedback from instructor/role players to validate and affirm what was done correctly during a scenario, and feedback as to what can be tweaked and done differently.

Contact me for more information on how my team and I can help better prepare you and your staff how to to effectively and successfully interact with someone who is loud, rude, obnoxious, and prevent a volatile situation from becoming a critical violent incident! We are a critical part of the professional development of your staff and volunteers!

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