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GRIEVING: HOW TO COMFORT SOMEONE

What do you do and how do you respond when someone you love is experiencing a loss? That’s coming up next on the BEAT.

Hey everyone my name is Allen Parr thank you so much for tuning in. Today we are asking the question, “How do you comfort someone in a loss?” And the truth is that sometimes it’s awkward because we don’t really know what to do and what to say. We’re often afraid of saying the wrong thing. So, today I want to share with you 2 DON’Ts and 4 DO’s when comforting someone through a loss.

1. DO NOT…
a. Assume the person wants or needs space. If this person is a true friend of yours, not only do they want to hear from you, they need to hear from you and they expect to hear from you. And if you don’t express your genuine concern for them it can compound their pain because the people closest to them were not there for them in their point of greatest need.
b. Talk too much – The Bible says, “let every word we speak be HELPFUL and according to the NEED OF THE MOMENT.”
i. This doesn’t mean don’t talk at all, it just means to use wisdom.
ii. Sometimes when we don’t know what to say to someone we say too much. What we need to realize is that when someone is experiencing the pain of a loss there really isn’t ANYTHING secular or spiritual that you could say that would remove or lessen the pain.
iii. Say…“Well, they are in a better place.” “Heaven has just received an angel.” – The reality is that you don’t always know whether the person is going to heaven or not. “It was their time.” “You’ll see them again.”
iv. The reason why we shouldn’t say things like this is because although we hope these things are true we don’t know for sure where the deceased person is.
v. Also, more importantly, at that moment the person doesn’t care about seeing that person in heaven. They miss them right now on earth.

2. Prayers
a. Not just praying for them but praying with them.
b. There is something encouraging that begins to happen when you lay your hands on someone who is in pain and they hear you cry out to God with all of your heart on their behalf.

3. Presence
a. Job – Health, Wealth, Family, Friends
b. This means recognizing that they are in a very vulnerable state and don’t need to deal with it alone.
c. Weep with them.
d. Listening to them for as long as they need. The key, once again, is not to do a lot of talking.
e. Follow up with them every couple of days and during special days such as that person’s birthday or during the holidays to reassure them that they don’t have to walk through this alone.

4. Provisions
a. The Bible says, “Do not withhold good to those who deserve it when it is in your power to help them.”
b. Ask them is there anything that they need? Often times when a person experiences loss they are in a state of denial or shock and for some time they won’t be able to think straight enough to do basic things.
c. So, offer to take them food, shop for groceries, doing housework, send them a gift card, watch their children, take them out to lunch or a movie, invite them over to dinner, etc.

5. Patience
a. In other words, don’t pass judgment on them if it takes them longer to process the pain of the loss than it takes you.
b. Understand that depending on the depth of the loss this person may need some serious time to process the loss.

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