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Our Twisted Fate
Animation by Stoopid Buddy Stoodios
Written by Adam Schlesinger, Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, & Alden Derck
Performed by Adam Schlesinger
Pretzels:
WE ARE MERELY PRETZELS
THAT IS ALL WE ARE
THIS WOMAN’S OBSESSION WITH US
IS FRANKLY QUITE BIZARRE
WE USED TO SIMPLY BE
A STARCHY SNACK THAT PEOPLE ATE
BUT, NOW, WE ARE A SYMBOL
SUCH IS OUR TWISTED FATE
WE’VE BEEN SMOTHERED IN THE MUSTARD
OF HER QUEST FOR HAPPINESS
THERE’S A LOT OF PRESSURE ON US
THIS WE MUST CONFESS
WE DIDN’T ASK TO BE IN CHARGE
OF SOMEONE’S MENTAL STATE
JUST LET US BE SOME HAPPY CARBS
SPARE US THIS TWISTED FATE
WE’VE BEEN A-SALTED BY HER YEARNING
TO MAKE HER LIFE A COGENT TALE
SURE, IT’S NICE TO BE KNEADED
BUT, NOW, THE WHOLE THING’S GETTING STALE
OH, CAN’T SOME SOFT AND CHEWY PRETZELS
FINALLY GET RELIEF
WE ARE HURTIN’ FROM THE BURDEN
OF BEING SOMEONE’S LIFE MOTIF
SHE COULD SWITCH TO PIZZA BAGELS
IF IT’S NOT TOO LATE
IT’S THE YEAST THAT SHE COULD DO
TO SAVE US FROM THIS TWISTED FATE
