Dear Mere Desi Dosts,

Today, on ‘At Home with George’ (11am PST on Desi George YouTube channel and Instagram,), we discussed: “How to maintain your relationships during this period of Lockdown?”. This is a period of undue stress for couples and families. We may see a rise in Corona babies, but there will likely also be a rise of Corona related divorces. How can we keep our relationships healthy at this difficult time? Here are some of the things and resources discussed.

Don’t make assumptions about how the other person feels
The coronavirus is unprecedented, not only on a societal level but for your relationship – you may have dealt with testing times before but this is likely to be a new experience. The key is not to assume the other person will feel the same way about everything you’re going through. Often we feel that others are experiencing the same emotions or thoughts that we are. Assumptions breed resentments as they lay down false expectations. The antithesis to assumptions are clear and open dialogues so avoid mind reading. None of us have experienced this before so we will all cope with this differently and that’s okay.

Keep Communicating
With so much going on and tensions running high, it can be hard to keep an open dialogue – especially if you’re feeling scared or upset. But it is key to keeping your relationship solid throughout. This heightened anxiety may create strong negative emotional reactions; anger or frustration. When experiencing these emotions try and stay mindful of your responses.
If you’re struggling with your anxiety and how you respond, the best thing you can do is communicate. Giving yourself time or telling your loved ones you’re struggling and that you may react uncharacteristically. Of course this doesn’t justify being cruel but helps ease the possibility of reacting in a way that you might regret and add to stress.

Communication is key. Try and be as clear as possible with each other. If you are frustrated or stressed then try to use ‘I’ statements to communicate how you are feeling. ‘I feel’ is very different to ‘When you x, I x’ or ‘You make me feel’, it’s very easy to slip into the blame game when we are stressed and it doesn’t help anyone.”

Accept these circumstances are going to be testing
You need to give yourself some period of grace – this is an unusual time for everyone. Understand that with the best will in the world, rows are quite likely in these circumstances. It’s how you deal with them that counts. If you tend to argue or bicker then accept that you may transfer that onto what you each think about the virus. You may want to know as much as possible about the situation whereas your partner may prefer to take each day as it comes. Remember that there are many different ways of coping in stressful situations and your way isn’t the only way.

Try to put big arguments on hold
Although it is normal to expect some tension during this ongoing situation, you shouldn’t use it as a chance to vent all of your ongoing relationship issues, some things will need to be parked. Big and difficult conversations may need to be put on hold while you deal with the current situation – this is especially true if one of you is ill or thinks they may have symptoms.

Ensure you aren’t just working all the time

If you and your partner are struggling to manage working from home and your relationship then try to establish clearer ‘home life’ and ‘work life’ from now on.

Designate areas of the house
Even if you live in a one-bedroom flat you should try to designate different areas as ‘work’, ‘chill-out’, ‘privacy’ and ‘interaction’.
Source: www.independent.co.uk

The 5 Languages of Love
The Five Love Languages is a 1992 book by Dr Gary Chapman. It outlines five ways to express and experience love between romantic partners that Chapman calls "love languages." According to Chapman, the five ways to express and experience love called "love languages" are:
• words of affirmation
• acts of service
• receiving gifts
• quality time
• and physical touch

Chapman suggests that to discover another person's love language, one must observe the way they express love to others, and analyze what they complain about most often and what they request from their significant other most often. He theorizes that people tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love, and better communication between couples can be accomplished when one can demonstrate caring to the other person in the love language the recipient understands. You can find out more about the 5 Love Languages here: [ Ссылка ]

Hope this helps.

Stay safe and sane. Lots of love and peace.

George

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