Jan 2020 -
Gentle Response De-escalation Training- 2 examples of what NOT to do.
One of the critical factors in being able to effectively deal with a difficult person is being able to remain calm when getting stressed. 2 recent events highlight what can happen when you allow yourself to get too stressed, the first happened at Ball State University in Indiana ([ Ссылка ])

A college professor got so upset over a student not moving from the back of the class to take a seat towards the front of the class that he ended up calling the police on the student. And of course the police did not do more than escort the student out, there was nothing else they could do, and in fact had the student refused to leave the class there is little they would have been able to do because it was a civil matter, not a criminal matter that required the police in the first place!
All schools have established policy and procedures for dealing with students and classroom issues, and this professor had been there since the 80's, but this professor felt that in this particular case the police needed to be called. I strongly believe this is a great example of someone who is very upset that their authority in the classroom is being challenged and they feel they have to show great strength and power by calling the police.
During my 20 years as a police officer I did respond to calls very similar to this incident, where someone had the police called because they wanted to "over power" the other person, wanted to show how strong and powerful they were, but unfortunately for them I would tell them that it was a civil matter that did not require my involvement and I would walk away. This incident could have been avoided if the professor had just slowed down, taken a breath, and really assessed the situation - Was it really THAT big a deal for the student to change seats? That big a deal that would justify calling the police?

The other incident happened in Flint, Michigan, at a public city council meeting. ([ Ссылка ])

It became a loud, contentious meeting, they were going back and forth, and then a councilman compares the council president to Hitler and gives her the nazi salute! I have to believe this councilman, an african american, is very well aware of highly enflamable language, gestures and symbols, and that he "knows" better. This would be a good example of someone who got so upset that he ended up doing and saying something that actually escalated the situation, and now he will lose his job.

It is always very challenging to remain calm when dealing with a difficult person in a stressful, confrontrational situation, but it is very important to do so. If you allow yourself to react and respond emotionally, if you allow yourself to get frustrated, angry, impatient, agitated, you increase the likelihood that YOU will end up saying or doing something that will escalate the situation.

Avoid the temptation to have the last word, to feel like you have to "win", that you must get YOUR point across. Take several deep breathes, remain as calm as possible, and THINK about what to say and what to do without escalating the situation!

It takes self awareness and discipline, but it can be done.

Gentle Response LLC is a consulting business specializing in conducting very dynamic, realistic conflict de-escalation training seminars for organizations that have personnel that have, or may, come in contact with a loud, rude, obnoxious person.

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