Ben Affleck shows up at Cartman's house and spends day with J-Lo. J-Lo sings a song and then things get steamy.
"Fat Butt and Pancake Head" S07

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#SouthPark #SouthParkS07

EXT. CARTMAN'S HOUSE - DAY
Cartman answers the door to find Ben Affleck wearing sunglasses and holding roses.
CARTMAN
(tired with a yawn)
Yes?
BEN AFFLECK
Hey, I was wondering if I could talk to Ms. Lopez.
Cartman hides his arm behind his back.
CARTMAN
She's not here right now.
But we hear the voice coming from behind Cartman's back.
MS. LOPEZ (O.S.)
Ben?! Is that my darling Ben?!
BEN AFFLECK
(looking up and over Cartman)
Jenny?! Yes, Jenny, it's me! Where are you?
(to Cartman)
Please, I HAVE to see her!
CARTMAN
(sighs)
Cartman sighs and then brings out his hand.
MS. LOPEZ
BEN!!! Oh you brought me rrrrrrroses!!!
Ben hands the roses to Cartman, who angrily takes them in his other hand.
BEN AFFLECK
Jenny... Aw, Jenny, I just can't stop thinking about you!
MS. LOPEZ
I can't stop thinking about you either BEN!!!
BEN AFFLECK
I've been meaning to write a song or a poem, but I have no talent...
MS. LOPEZ
I know my darling. That's okay.
BEN AFFLECK
Will you just take a ride with me in my awesome car?
MS. LOPEZ
Oh, Ben, I would LOVE TO!
CARTMAN
No!
MS. LOPEZ
Excuse me just a second, Ben.
Cartman brings his hand to his face.
MS. LOPEZ AND CARTMAN
Don't you ruin this opportunity for me. How could you stand in the way of this - I'm not going out in his car - I'm not going to let you blow this one chance I have - I don't care, I'm supposed to sit here and do my homework ---
Cut to Ben, just standing there like an idiot. He gently picks his nose.
MS. LOPEZ
Okay, Ben! LET'S GO!!!
INT. BEN AFFLECK'S CAR - MOVING - DAY
Ben is driving is rad convertible on the mountain roads of South Park. Cartman is looking bored and pissed, leaning his head on one hand and staring out the car, while he holds his other hand out closer to Ben.
MS. LOPEZ
Oh Ben, I am so happy. The cool breeze blowing through my hair in your sexy automobile.
BEN AFFLECK
Let's spend the whole day together!
A SLOW BALLAD SONG starts, with Ms. Lopez singing - during the song the following montage scenes fill the screen.
MS. LOPEZ
Oh Ben you are so perfect. So spectacularrr in every way. You bring light into my life Ben - You almost make me forget all about TACOS. Ooh Tacos so good in my tummy yummy yummy, gimme more. I love you Ben - You almost make me forget about tacos.
EXT. BEACH - DAY
Ben and Ms. Lopez are walking along the beach, talking. Cartman is just tagging along, looking bored.
INT. NICE RESTAURANT - DAY
Ben and Cartman are at a lovely table for two drinking wine and talking, as always, Cartman looks bored.
INT. MOVIE THEATER -
Ben and Cartman sit in the audience with a seat between them for Ms. Lopez. As they watch, Ben stretches and puts his arm on the back of the chair...
INT. JEWELRY STORE - DAY
Ms. Lopez is looking in a mirror as Ben comes up behind her and holds to hanging diamond earrings in place.
EXT. PARK - DAY
Ben is laying on a park bench, with his head in Cartman's lap looking up and talking with Ms. Lopez.
EXT. SOUTH PARK AVENUE -
THROUGH A black and white CAMERA LENS we see Cartman and Ben getting into a limo.
Several SHUTTER CLICKS go off, freeze framing Close up images of Ben and Ms. Lopez.
Then it becomes the cover of an Inquirer type of magazine with the headline - BEN AFFLECK'S NEW STEAMY ROMANCE!
INT. BEN AFFLECK'S CAR - MOVING - DAY
BEN AFFLECK
Jenny, I have to tell you something. I... I think I love you.
MS. LOPEZ
Oh, I love you too, Ben! But...
BEN AFFLECK
But what?
MS. LOPEZ
But what if you still have feelings for that slut with the large ass?
Ben stops the car in a romantic setting overlooking the town.
BEN AFFLECK
I still care for her. Maybe I always will. But... YOU just have so much more going On... Up here...
Ben gently touches Ms. Lopez's head.
MS. LOPEZ
Oh Ben... Ben...
BEN AFFLECK
Jenny... Can I kiss you?
CARTMAN
NO!
MS. LOPEZ
Yes! Oh yes Ben, kiss me!!
CARTMAN
Aw, God dammit!
Ben leans in and starts making out with Cartman's hand. His tongue visible going in and out of Cartman's palm.
CARTMAN (CONT'D)
Aw! Awwww!!! Dude!!!
Finally, Ben finishes his big, sloppy kiss and leans back and wipes his mouth.
BEN AFFLECK
Mmm, just like tacos.
MS. LOPEZ
Taco flavored kisses for my Ben...
BEN AFFLECK
You're so hot baby.
MS. LOPEZ
I make you hot, Ben?
BEN AFFLECK
Mm, yeah...
Cartman's hand kisses Ben again and then-
Ms. Lopez kisses her way down Ben's body, then disappears below his waist.
BEN AFFLECK (CONT'D)
Oh Jenny... Oh Jenny...
MS. LOPEZ (O.S.)

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