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The humble toaster pastry. It’s been our molten, tongue burning sweet little friend since the 60s. It’s a quick little pick me up when we need a tasty treat. Sometimes it’s breakfast on the run and in all the world, one little toaster named Milton reigns supreme with his empire of handheld, sugary rectangles known as Pop-Tarts. In this episode of the Dandy Fun House, we’re going to give three off-brand toaster pastry underdogs a chance to dethrone the mighty Milton and claim the title TOASTER PASTRY CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! For this is the Strawberry Toaster Pastry Showdown! Let’s step into the Fun House!
Hello and welcome to the Dandy Fun House Video Show, Podcast and Blog! This is where we cook up the very tastiest in retro pop culture, toys and games and all the fun stuff. I’m your host, Neil Dandy, and by pop-tartular demand, this episode is going to cook!
And yes, I’m coming to you straight from the Dandy Fun House Studios Kitchens, where today we’re going to have the showdown of the century! I have here before me the four most popular toaster pastries in America… Alright, they’re the only four different types of toaster pastries I could find after visiting four different grocery stores, but you get the idea, right? OK, here we go!
Upon conducting my search, scouring grocery store shelves for toaster pastries to pit against one another, I discovered that strawberry is apparently the most common flavor amongst all toaster pastries. So that’s the flavor we’re going to test today.
Here we have Millville Toaster Tarts, which is the Aldi brand. We have Toaster Treats, which is the Kroger brand. We have Frosted Strawberry Toaster Pastries by Great Value, which is the Walmart brand. And last but certainly not least, we have the reigning toaster pastry champion of the world, Pop Tarts.
I want to be really careful to not rip off Matt Mitchell’s Bless Your Rank ([ Ссылка ]) , which I absolutely love. So instead of lining up these four contenders to the strawberry toaster pastry throne, I’m instead going to conduct this contest like a boxing match with an undercard and a main event, after which I will pit the winner of the undercard against the winner of the main event to give the underdog a shot at the title!
I will be judging on packaging, the look of the pastry and of course how they taste both untoasted and toasted.
I will not actually be swallowing any of these toxic treats. I’ll instead be taking a bite from the best corner of the pastry, chewing it, allowing it to roll around my palate for a moment, and then spitting it out while swishing my mouth with water between bites. I feel this is the most fair method of conducting this contest, and you deserve no less than the best!
I think we can all agree that Pop Tarts is the 900 pound gorilla in the room as far as worldwide popularity, followed most likely by Great Value, the Walmart brand. And that’s going to leave Millville Toaster Tarts and Kroger’s Frosted Toaster Treats as our undercard.
You guys ready? Come on, LET’S GET READY TO CRUMBLE!
Okay, here before me, we have our undercard match. We have Millville Toaster Tarts from Aldi, and we have Frosted Toaster Treats from Kroger.
Looking at the packaging… they both have pretty good packaging, I must say. I’m not crazy about the Millville logo. It doesn’t sound very appetizing, but then again, neither does Kroger to me. So I’m going to give it a tie on the packaging. Let’s crack ‘em open and see what we’ve got!
Here’s Millville Toaster Tarts. Foil, very basic foil.
And the frosting, you can see there’s a lot of edge exposed, but you might have to have that edge exposed. It seems to be rather thick, so that’s a good sign. The other pastry in the package has even less frosting on it, so I’m going to take the best one here and take an uncooked bite!
Not bad, not exactly bursting with flavor. The look of the coloring, it’s not bright red like I would expect. I’m going to go ahead and put this other whole pastry in my toaster here.
(Spit out and swish)
Now let’s look at Kroger Frosted Toaster Treats. Wait a minute… The foil design is absolutely identical! Is the toaster pastry going to be identical as well? I’m starting to get suspicious here.
They look almost exactly identical, except the Kroger brand has some blue greenish sprinkles on it, which the Millville Aldi brand does not.
I taste absolutely no difference between the two, but while I swish my mouth around, let’s go ahead and toast these babies. I’ve got my toaster set at about almost up to three, which is like the 10 o’clock position, which is normally where I like my toaster pastries. Let’s go ahead and get it cranking here.
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