Ocean Spray. KassTheBomb. Two entities that will one day be united.
Together, we can do anything. You can sell more juice, I can have a job.

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Dear Ocean Spray,
I love your products. I have been a life-long cranberry juice drinker who never gives up. I probably learned to not give up because of the great character your product produces in me. So this letter is me not giving up on Cran-Energy.
When I was in fifth grade, Cranergy came out, as it was called back then. My parents bought it in bulk from our local Sam's Club where they could buy large packs of the 10 ounce bottles. Such a glorious sight-- stacks and stacks of liquid delicious incarnate. Then, they stopped being sold in Sam's Club, so my parents bought the 4 packs of the 12 ounce bottles or the 6 packs of the 10 ounce bottles at Wal-mart until about 3 months ago, when it seems like the Wal-mart stopped selling them and we can't figure out where to buy more. It's very sad.
At first, back in 5th grade, I would drink as many as I wanted. I would be playing in my yard with my friends, shooting hoops and breaking ankles or whatnot, and come inside and drink a nice, refreshing, beautiful Cranergy. I would do that multiple times a day. It was as beautiful as a butterfly drinking cranberry juice, which I assume they would enjoy thoroughly. But then my parents limited my Cranergy intake to 3-per-day in around the 6th grade. That is how much I loved your drink. My parents had to limit my intake of juice. Then, a few years later, they limited my intake of Cranergy (probably Cran-Energy by then) to 2-per-day due to financial reasons. When I went to college two years ago (yes I'm in college, Purdue University) I limited myself to one a day because my supply was very limited. Then, a few months ago, when the stores stopped providing the wondrous beverage, I had to limit it to 0 a day.
It is a story of sadness. A tale of woe. A tale of a sad child and a thirsty mouth.
But what I don't think the people at Ocean Spray realize is the amount that everybody loves this product (Especially the raspberry flavored one, that's my favorite and everybody else's that I've talked to about it. Seriously the raspberry Cran-energy is the best. Ever.) It is the best tasting drink I've ever received. Not a lie whatsoever. Better than all soda, all other juices, all energy drinks, all waters, everything. Every morning I drink Cran-Energy my mouth freaks out because the taste buds explode in a Mardi Gras party, a July Fourth night sky, and a Chinese New Year in the heart of Beijing all at the same time. In my mouth. In my mouth. Seriously, in my mouth.
My college roommate last year knew that he couldn't touch my Cran-Energy supply because it was so rare to find it in the stores. But when he and his girlfriend broke up and he was pretty down about it, I told him he could have a Cran-Energy. His first sip was more fun to watch than a NASCAR wreck. You should have seen his face. It lit up like a construction worker's hat at night. He never had tasted something so good. He finally understood why he wasn't allowed to drink it all that time. Because it's wonderful. A beautiful experience. A life-altering experience that might give the drinker a belief in God if it wasn't there before, but if it was already there, it was strengthened without doubt.
Please understand how this is such a wonderfully tasting product.
I write this because I cannot find out how to get it. Can you please make it possible to order it on-line or push it harder into Wal-marts or other stores in this great cranberry loving country? I love it. It's the best.
I also am a stand-up comedian and aspiring YouTube comic who would love to make or act in commercials made for this product. I would love to share my story in an ad campaign for this or however you wish me to participate to act to revive this wonderful product.
If you do not have the power to make this happen,
can you please give it to someone who can make these decisions?
Thank you,
Jared Kassebaum
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Music: Stella Maris by Moby through mobygratis.com
Many clips obtained through videoblocks.com

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