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In this video, you’ll learn why you might blame yourself for everything, how this can be a trauma response from your childhood, and how to stop doing it. And we’re going to use Batman as an example.
It’s clear to see how taking the mental shortcut of “It’s all my fault” is actually a much easier route than the emotional gymnastics of figuring out why people do bad things.
But, if we keep blaming ourselves over time, we can end up feeling guilty, ashamed, depressed, or angry. So in this video we’ll explore this common cognitive distortion of self-blame and some practical ways to replace it with more helpful thinking.
Our brains are constantly trying to make sense of what’s happening in our world. But the brain’s interpretation is not always correct. It takes these cognitive shortcuts that aren’t completely accurate. These are called automatic thoughts. We don’t usually notice them--but we can learn to be more aware of them.
One type of automatic thought is to assume the worst. Does this sound familiar? “If I get a bad grade, I’m going to fail and never get a good job.”(Catastrophizing) Or we might see things in extremes: “Nothing good ever happens to me!” (Overgeneralizing). Blaming ourselves for things that aren’t our fault is another common automatic thought: “If I hadn’t made him mad, he wouldn’t have hit me.”
Will a bad grade mean you’ll NEVER get a good job? No.
Does nothing good ever happen to you? No.
And do you have control over the physical actions of another person? No.
But we believe these thoughts all the time. And self-blame is one of the most common forms of cognitive distortions.
00:00 Intro
02:28 Self Blaming
05:29 Self Blaming Benefits
09:45 Signs of Self Blaming
Click the link below to access the transcript.
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Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
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