A twit leaves Twitter only to find the real world is too hard. #SammyJ
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Biting, bite-sized comedy as Sammy J and his team of troublemakers tackle the news of the week.

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LYRICS
It’s been a week since I left Twitter because of Elon Musk.
That democratic platform, that will soon become a husk.
'Cause now it looks like anyone can buy themselves a tick.
And Donald Trump is heading back. The whole thing makes me sick.

But I refuse to pay a billionaire to have my say,
so I’m taking my opinions, and going on my way.
But I miss that little bluebird. I miss my online life.
I spent more time on Twitter than I did with my own wife.
Tweeting and retweeting. Always scrolling for my news.
Listening respectfully to other people’s views.

It’s been two weeks since I left Twitter. I’m not doing very well.
People know my real name, and as far as I can tell,
you’re not allowed to shout at total strangers in the street,
or directly contact and abuse a female pro athlete.

I saw a couple arguing and had to get involved.
I didn’t know the context, but I’m pretty sure I solved it
with a pithy one liner. I said, "Hashtag, see you later."
Then I tried to cancel someone in the supermarket queue.

'Cause I miss that little bluebird and the freedom it afforded me
to bully public figures while my followers applauded me.
But the real world’s not the same. Outrage doesn’t lead to fame.
I made a racist joke at my cafe, but not one single person followed me that day.

It’s been a month since I left twitter. Now I’m sleeping in a sewer,
just to recreate the feeling of humanity’s manure,
as I scribble my opinions on the back of toilet doors.
Please, somebody read it or copy and repeat it.
I take it off its hinges and shove in someone’s face,
"Don’t you think I’m clever? Tell me that’s the case."
'Cause I need the validation, I’ll pay any price.
Eight dollars a month? Well that sounds pretty nice.

(GUITAR SOLO)

So now I’m back on Twitter, and I’m feeling mighty fine.
You can find me at my handle, DarkLordFilthBear89.
Elon, please forgive me. Treat me rough and make me pay.
Because I love that little bluebird, so don’t let it fly away.

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