Drama Triangle Video:
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Family Cut Off Video:
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How to work on it:
1) Here is a journal prompt. What got you here with your family? – that wedding disaster? how they crossed huge boundaries with your partner? you or your children? the refusal to acknowledge the abuse, that time you were in the hospital and told to take a cab home? That your mother turned it all around on you were your sister owes you money and refuses to pay you? That your father refuses to believe that you were sexually assaulted by another family member. This prompt is about how we will lose our way with reality when the family shames.
Write down the situations that got you here and keep it handy when you are shamed or when shame comes us.
2) A second journal prompt is to walk yourself through what it would look like for you to give in. Even if you’d never at this point, what would happen to you emotionally to cave in and go to the family gathering that protects the perpetrator or refuses to acknowledge. Would you be back in your family role as the scapegoat? Would you continue to be misunderstood and minimized? What do you gain by putting yourself in such and unsafe place again... are you just trading the awful guilt and shame back to feeling of not being seen and back where you started? Do you again lose yourself or self yourself short in that hypothetical?
Inner children have built-in forgetting and just want a family - the adult knows how that will go.
3) Create two columns of issues. Column one what the family says about you working on yourself or establishing a boundary or a cut off. All the BS… you’re too sensitive, you’re selfish, how could you, that’s not how “family works”, but it’s the holidays, you know your mother would do anything for you…yeah but you don’t turn your back on family no matter how bad… mom tried to keep dad sober at your wedding and you should be grateful.
In, the second column write out what your truth of what you’ve learned to each point. “Abusive systems use the sensitivity card, if protecting myself from emotional abuse is selfish…so be it. Mom trying to get dad to not drink so much is swimming against the tide and her codependency – no medals for that. Going through my partner or my children to make me look like I’m crazy is a manipulative narcissistic ploy. I’m not dramatic or sensitive, the family system protects perpetrators. A toxic system will tell the abused children to think more of the perpetrators rather than themselves. Aunt betty being a codependent agent is her refusal to acknowledge how abusive my father is because that reality makes her uncomfortable. It’s about her.”
In this video we cover: triggers, cut-offs, toxic family systems, boundaries, truth, childhood trauma, inner child, inner child work, c-ptsd, ptsd, toxic parents, narcissistic abuse, assertion, mind reading, moods, healing, abusive parents, emotional abuse, childhood ptsd, repressed memories, hypervigilance, narcissistic parents, emotionally abusive parents, child abuse, narcissistic father, childhood emotional neglect, abuse, narcissistic mother
Chapters:
0:00 Intro
3:55 Connect With Me
4:41 Some Common Scenarios
6:17 #1: Make the Abusive Family Member the "Real Victim"
9:08 #2: Gets Back At You - Retribution
11:42 #3: Turns It All Around & Uses the Selfish Card
13:45 #4: Game Playing
16:00 #5: Codependent Agents
19:10 #6: Half-Safe Members Who Ignore or Omit
20:49 Final Thoughts
22:04 How to Work on it
26:49 Outro
Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings
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MUSIC IS BY - Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream
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⚠️ Disclaimer
My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.
If you are, or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255
