Everyone is looking for the easiest, fastest, and best ways when fixing on something. For this video, the fix is about marriage. Paul Friedman explains the essence of The Marriage Foundation philosophy and details -- the three paths to having a fantastic marriage even if yours is currently in dire need of help. He also discusses his books which will help most marriages and the courses which are only needed for marriages that are truly on the brink.
I was a divorce mediator and I was frustrated with the number of clients I had to be quite honest and the kind of problems that they had coming in for a divorce. I just knew they shouldn't be divorced, they should work through those particular problems and yet, they were coming to me from marriage therapist, that's where I got virtually all of my leads. So, what I did was I broke marriage down in a way I want to share with you so you can understand how I approached it. It's not rocket science but it is science so I asked first, why do people get married in the first place?
What I started asking all my friends I got to where, I was asking people I bumped into it Starbucks, "why did you get married?" And the answers that I got almost all of them began with, "well he or she really..." And I said, "No, why did you want to get married, not why did you want to marry the person you're married to?" And you should ask yourself the same question, and then I started getting the same answers, "Well, I wanted a family." "I wanted to be with my best friend." "I wanted sex whenever I wanted it." And I thought those are not universal answers, not everyone has the same answer but we're all human beings and I wanted to know why.
Why? Why do all of us want to get married?
We all know why we want to eat not because we're hungry but because we have to sustain our bodies so I was looking for that kind of answer and while I've been talking, I know you've been thinking about what is the right answer and I'll share it with you. The right answer is because we want to be happier. It goes further because then I asked that it can be very unique for each individual but it's not universal. I wanted a universal answer. The universal answer has to do with happiness and the question that I had to ask and the answer was, what is the one thing that makes every single human being happy without exception?
The answer is experiencing unconditional love and that's why all of us get married. We want to experience unconditional love. There's a lot of subconscious stuff going on that drives us you might say, but what difference does it make? The bottom line is still the same, we want that unconditional love and I can explain it to you. I mean I've done a lot of thinking about this and research too mostly scriptural, it doesn't change the answer. We all want love. Now I could get into basically, what I came up with because I started working with the same clients who were coming to me for a divorce. I would say look, let's try this other approach. And what I did was I came up with the easiest way to fix your marriage, and I say the easiest because it's a template that works on virtually every marriage but... so here's what the template is, the template is a guideline of do's and don'ts.
Most people who were coming to me after I converted my practice to helping marriages always stated the same problem, "Oh, we have bad communication." There were a few others but 80% we have bad communication, sort of the catchphrase. It covers a lot of territories but it's not true. You got to look at what's behind the communication, what is behind the communication is a lack of effort on both parts of both individuals not wanting to please their partner unless. It seems like everyone gets into marriage with this idea that "I will get" rather than "I will give." The ones who say, "I will give."
Watch the video for more.
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