Masturbation, the art of selfishness. Why is the smallest room in the house, the bathroom, so over decorated? Monogrammed towels? Soap shaped like seashells? Really? Why are we so embarrassed about a perfectly natural bodily function like emptying our bowels? What does relieving oneself have to do with masturbation? Why did Onan in the Bible have to die? If a woman never marries, is she better off with a child or without? Why are welfare recipients not the most patriotic and appreciative citizens? How to avoid all awkwardness in the masturbation conversation with teenagers. Why did the great, great, grandmother of King David dress up as a prostitute? Why did her former father-in-law not recognize her? No it won’t grow hair on your hands or make you blind, but it will…….

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