No child is born knowing how to self-soothe and calm down when upset. As they grow, kids learn to calm down through being soothed by their caregivers, watching the example of others, and discovering what works for them. However, for many children (and adults) calming down when upset continues to be a difficult skill to master.

This lack of mastery shows up in angry kids with explosive tempers, anxious children who can’t seem to face their fears or calm their racing thoughts, and impulsive or hyper kids who can’t seem to settle down.

Fortunately, there are many strategies and tools that kids can learn in order to better relax.

This is the first in a series of posts to help parents, teachers, and others learn some of these strategies to pass them on to kids that need them.

Strategy #1 – Balloon Breathing (or Belly Breathing)

Slow, deep breaths are one of the best ways to calm an anxious child.

An anxious or angry child is in flight-or-fight mode with their body primed to handle a perceived threat. This usually leads to fast, shallow breathing, rapid heartbeat, and tense muscles. Practicing slow, deep breathing tells your body that it can calm down, and as the physical arousal decreases, the emotional feeling of anxiety or anger will too.

Here’s a sample of how I talk to kids about deep breathing for relaxation:

“When we get scared or worried or angry, we usually take quick shallow breaths that stay at the top of our chest. (I put my hand on the top of my chest to give a focal point and demonstrate what this looks like.) When we want to calm down, we need to take slow belly breaths instead. Imagine that there is a balloon in your belly. When you breathe in, you want to push all the air down and fill up the balloon so that your belly puffs out. (I put my hand on my belly and demonstrate this.) Then, you breathe out slowly and your belly gets smaller as the balloon deflates.”

Sometimes it’s easier to practice belly breaths if you lay down. I’ll have the child lay on the couch and we’ll put a small stuffed animal (or balloon) on their stomach. I’ll remind them that when they breathe in, the stuffed animal should rise, and when they breathe out, it should go down. We’ll practice this until they seem to understand how to do the belly breaths.

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