Key takeaways on how to be a better listener with Oscar Trimboli, Global Listening Leader
Listening is the willingness to have your mind changed.
Listening is situational, relational, and contextual.
Your job as a listener is not to make sense of what the speaker is saying, but to what they are not
In the West, most people are taught to listen for similarities in experiences and beliefs between themselves and the speaker; but a lot more can be learned by listening for differences.
Know your weak spots by pinpointing whether you’re a dramatic listener, a lost listener, an interrupting listener, or a shrewd
Are you giving attention or are you paying attention? Neither is right or wrong; it’s what’s appropriate in the moment.
Step 1: Become aware of your listening filters
Listen not just for similarities but also for differences
Instead of paying attention only to the familiar and what you have in common with the speaker, listen for distinctions and the unfamiliar.
Listening for differences directly leads to more effective business communication since you are keeping your ears open for gaps and shortcomings along your process or in the product or service you are offering.
Step 2: Know what kind of “listening villain” you are
Are you a…
Dramatic listener?
You value human connection; you struggle between sympathy and empathy; tend to “hog the spotlight” and make the conversation one-sided
Tip: Be empathetic (i.e. “I acknowledge that this is tough for you.) as opposed to just sympathetic (i.e. “I remember a time when it was tough for me, too.”)
Lost listener?
Easily distracted (especially by electronic gadgets); vague; unsure of your contribution to the conversation
Tip #1: Try switching off your notifications
Tip #2: Drink a glass of water every 30 minutes
Tip #3: Take three deep breaths before entering a conversation
Tip #4: Ask the host, “What is your expectation of me during this meeting?
Interrupting listener?
Hyperfocused on productivity and time
Tip #1: Count “1, 1000; 2, 1000, 3, 1000; etc.” in your head
Tip #2: Bite down on your tongue after each number
Shrewd listener?
Thinking you know the question while it’s still being asked; mainly ignoring context, subtleties, and vocal inflections; disproportionately represented in support functions (i.e. IT, finance, marketing, etc.)
Tip: Get out of your head and listen to the whole question before making assumptions. Your speaker can tell if your gears are turning.
You can find your own listening villain with Oscar’s 7 minute quiz, found here.
Step 3: Be an editor, not a therapist
People very rarely ever say exactly what they mean the first time they say it.
Listen for the keyword “actually”. This indicates that they are finally starting to say what they really want to say.
Your job as a listener is to hear what they mean rather than what they say.
Three replies to help your speaker better define what they mean:
“Tell me more.”
“What else?”
Silence (to give them permission to think their thought through)
