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On Today's Episode:
It’s hard enough to leave a bad relationship when you’re not seeing eye to eye or you find out you value different things or your partner has cheated on you. It’s even harder leaving when you’re not sure if you’re the problem and you’re questioning if you’re being dramatic and people around you don’t think you should.
Learning how to handle a narcissistic relationship is not only possible, it’s a must if you feel like you can’t leave that relationship at this time for any number of reasons.
Dr. Ramani, clinical psychologist, and narcissist expert, points out that in narcissistic relationships everyday isn’t a bad day and that can make it really hard for people in relationship with them to realize they are trapped and even harder to feel validated in leaving.
Part of the reason it’s so difficult to thrive in a narcissistic relationship is because there is a splitting of your identity in a way that Dr Ramani describes as “you getting rid of yourself” in exchange for whatever peace you can have. You learn over time how to not anger your partner. You realize that anything good for you sets your partner off and causes arguments and the gaslighting begins to make you believe it’s all your fault.
This episode is for the woman that needs hope and a strategy to survive the narcissistic abuse and thrive even if you have to stay a while longer.
Your reason to stay or leave is not for anyone’s approval or disapproval
You can get your strength and validation elsewhere
You can become narcissist resistant and keep your identity
Reasons for staying are not to be shamed, your reasons to stay may be valid, but know with eyes wide open why you’re staying and how to navigate the turmoil to come out of this okay.
QUOTES:
“The vast majority of narcissistic relationships are not violent and it’s important to make that distinction.”
“The thing to remember that is unique to narcissistic abuse is that everyday isn’t bad.”
“The mistake people make, [...] is they come in and they be themselves. Well if your “self” is at odds with what the narcissist wants, they’re going to shut that down.”
“This idea of the narcissistic person as a simple one dimensional cartoon villain is just not real.”
“Part of radical acceptance is being okay with them being set off.”
“I don’t think we talk enough about how difficult parenting is, and instead we criticize parents all the time or we give them the absolutely most ridiculous advice in the world.”
“When you show me something bad that you can do to me, you’ve now shown me what’s in your behavioral repertoire, and the only absolute in psychology is that past behavior predicts future behavior.”
“I really am sorry they have a bad backstory. I hope to heaven they are able to get the help that they need, and what they’re doing to this other person is unacceptable and their backstory is not an excuse. In this moment they are harming someone else, their backstory doesn’t matter.”
“You can be empathic and set a boundary, you can be empathic and protect yourself. You can say, ‘they’ve had a rough life AND their behavior is unacceptable’.”
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